Mastering Dirty Talk in BDSM for Bottoms

First off, we need to get that the main thrill for a top in play comes from this: even though everyone’s an adult with their own brain in real life, the other person trusts you and willingly hands over control. You get to make the calls, give the orders, and at the same time, you take responsibility for their safety.

It’s like doing a little adventure together. When it’s over, a good experience strengthens trust and connection. And inside the rules you’ve built together, if you give your partner good sensations or positive emotional vibes, it makes you feel accomplished and valued. Their approval? That’s like a massive pat on the back.

For a bottom, the clever way to use dirty talk to tease the top is all about—showing off that they’ve handed over power.

Even just a few tweaks in the way you talk can totally change the vibe, even if the meaning is basically the same. I like to sum it up as: swap the command-style lines for requests, the need-style lines for service-style lines, and the evaluation-style lines for reporting-style lines.

1. Turn commands into requests

A lot of bottoms feel weird saying dirty talk out loud because many lines sound like they’re actively demanding or teasing, which doesn’t fit a passive vibe.

You can flip it by talking about your own desire and asking for permission. This “I could make my own choice, but I’m giving you the final say” attitude screams power handover.

Plus, the tension between wanting and holding back adds a fun push-and-pull drama to play.

Some examples:

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, hit a little harder, a bit to the top left… yes, right there! So good!” (Sounds like giving instructions at a massage parlor.) Bottom-style: “Pretty please, Sir, can you hit a little harder?” (Adds “please,” “pretty please,” or “could you…?”—simple but smooth.)

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, come kiss me~” (Top thinks: “You told me to kiss you? Well, I’ll be a little rebellious hehe.”) Bottom-style: “Sir, can your little puppy get a kiss?” (Permission-style, naturally leading the top to ask, “And what will you do to earn that kiss?”—new interaction unfolds.)

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, tie me up so I can’t move~” (Top’s inner thoughts: “Yes, I’m the merciless rope master.”) Bottom-style: “Being tied up by Sir feels so safe and comfy. Last time it even triggered a little separation anxiety… I’ve been looking forward to this every day. Can I feel it again?” (Shows desire and asks permission, while highlighting how much the top affects them—right in the feels.)

2. Turn “needs” into “service”

In healthy play, it’s usually about mutual enjoyment. If a bottom wants to keep a submissive, passive vibe in dirty talk, they can emphasize “serving” the top rather than their own needs, like:

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, I want your jio, I’m all about it~” (Greedy and playful.) Bottom-style: “Sir, you must be tired. Lie down and let your puppy massage your jiojio~” (Flips “you satisfy me” into “I’m here to please you.”)

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, your hits are so even, so penetrating, right down to the muscles… ahhh~” (Top is now the unpaid massage therapist.) Bottom-style: “Please, Sir, go ahead and use the paddle on me as you like~” (Highlights giving, not getting, while safety is already agreed upon.)

3. Turn evaluations into reports

Bottoms’ positive feedback is a huge encouragement for the top, but giving it too often can feel like constantly grading the top, which can pull you out of your regression/headspace.

Instead, treat it like you’re just reporting your sensations and feelings. Objectively describing how the top affects you is actually a deep form of submission and recognition.

It fits perfectly with a regressed state—just simple, in-the-moment sentences:

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, you hit so well!” (Feels like a big martial arts contest.) Bottom-style: “Sir left so many pink marks on my body… so happy~” (Specific, real, emphasizes passivity.)

Normal dirty talk: “Sir, putting on the blindfold and earplugs was amazing~” (Feels like being praised for potential.) Bottom-style: “After Sir covered my eyes and ears, my touch feels super sensitive… so nervous but excited~” (Detailed, real, emphasizes passivity and objectivity.)

So, did you get all that~

Finally, a reminder: the dirty talk tweaks are just for amplifying the power dynamic during play. Outside of play—in agreements, check-ins, or feedback—both partners should be equal. Ask for what you want, give feedback freely. In a healthy relationship, your partner won’t reject honest feedback.

From what I’ve seen, subs/Ms who are strong in their sense of self, good at boundaries, and able to say no to unreasonable requests, often get to fully immerse in deep submission during play—once trust and intimacy are solid.

After all, a reliable dom/S is someone they carefully screened and shaped together.

It’s rare to get a high-quality dynamic like that in a messy world, so it’s worth fully enjoying and surrendering in play~

Also, this dirty talk method is safer but not a strict rule—some tops love being teased by a bratty, high-energy bottom, while others prefer a meticulous, “follow-the-instructions” type sub who tells them exactly how much force to use.

So if you’re unsure, don’t stress the stereotypical “bottom” lines—just ask your partner honestly: “I want to say some dirty talk to spice things up, but I feel like I’m leading the teasing… do you want me to talk this way, or what would you like to hear?”

Isn’t that itself a real, trust-based way of handing over power~